I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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