The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
