it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
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You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
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On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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