I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
