I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
