cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
