I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
