His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
