i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Drake has all the answers
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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