Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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