Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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