let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Even the bartender felt bad for me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
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There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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