I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
