I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
