Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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