I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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