when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
