I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
