Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
