hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
