Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
