Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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