Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
