Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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