there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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