i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
