so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
