I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize