enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
