I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
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