Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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