; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
