i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
