Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
