This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
