Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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