will power is for people who don't want to get laid
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
