So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
