went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
