I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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