I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
