remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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