u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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