I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
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I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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