She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
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She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize