just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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