do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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