God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
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fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
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no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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