just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Randomize
