we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
