with your own penis?
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
