I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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