Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize