my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's rum buckets o'clock
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
