You made me cry and you don't even care
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
