How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize